Confidential
27 Apr 2011 Leave a Comment
in arwyn dae, babes in blogland, introspective, lokie rai
Arwyn had a school assignment for a project where she had to build a miniature float that represented our state. She chose Abraham Lincoln as her subject and we crafted up a storm all week. We spent several hours working on it, cutting and gluing. I even busted out the hot glue gun (no injuries!). She took the float to school on Friday and after I got to work that morning, Bubby sent me a chat saying that she hadn’t wanted anyone to see her float at school drop-off. I couldn’t understand this. She’d seemed happy with her work. I had repeatedly asked her if there was anything else she wanted to do or change before we declared the float finished.
This whole little episode spawned a discussion between Bubby and I about her self-confidence. We feel like she has attitude (especially with us, or other people she feels very comfortable with) but her confidence is often lacking. I turned to my trusty buddies on twitter and asked, how do you promote self-confidence in kids?
My awesome friends inside the computer responded, mostly in the same way. Praise, love, set them up for success. This set off a flurry of self-doubt in my parenting skills. I love them more than pancakes, but do I praise them enough? I honestly don’t know. I’ve never been the over-effusive type, at least not when it comes to that. I’ll admit, I cringe a little when I hear other people “over-praising” their kids (in my opinion, obviously). Do kids really need to hear “good job jumping” or whatever other ridiculous thing in order to feel good about themselves? I don’t know if I can do that. I’m not good at faking it. But maybe I’ve got it all wrong. I certainly want my girls to grow up with healthy self-esteem and I do feel that Bubby and I are paving the way for their future self-worth, whether we want to admit it or not.
And so I’ve found myself trying to nag less often, trying not to use “that tone”, which I hate to hear coming from my mouth seemingly on its own anyway, looking for the positives more often, thanking her for her help more sincerely, trying my damnedest to control my temper and my tongue. And I will continue to do these things. I will read more books and ask more friends and search for guidance. That’s all I know to do as we reluctantly stick our toes into these murky waters.
